


Much Ado

by Columbidae (Axolotl)



Series: Trans Victuuri [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Body Image, Comfort, First Time, Gender Dysphoria, Language Kink, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Trans Character, Trans Katsuki Yuuri, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, au in which victor hasnt seen yuuri naked yet, victor is gay and love him boi, work with me here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:33:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axolotl/pseuds/Columbidae
Summary: “Well, then. You like men. I like men. I’m a man. You’re—““I’m not the kind of man most gay men want,” Yuuri cut him off.  His voice was shaking in a way that caused a pang of sympathy in Victor’s heart.“Well, most men are idiots, then.  Luckily, I’m no idiot.”In which Victor finds out Yuuri is trans.  Yuuri is afraid it won't work, Victor is afraid he's going to do something wrong, and these two boys learn how to love each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is how i'm starting out my nanowrimo how y'all doin

Victor wasn’t an idiot. 

Alright, to be fair, he could be a bit clueless. And sometimes he had a hard time reading the room. Some would call him a ditz, and while he wanted to deny it, he supposed, at times, they had a point. (At least he had his looks.)

But no, not an idiot. One would have to be to not see something was wrong with Yuuri these days.

Victor tried to figure it out. Something in Yuuri’s demeanor changed as their relationship progressed. He’d always been shy, but just as Victor was starting to make a breakthrough, just as he was getting the man to open up to him, Yuuri abruptly pulled back, retreating. Two steps back for every one they had made forward, withdrawing from the months of progress he and Victor had made. Bright brown eyes that had once begun to linger longer and longer on Victor’s gaze, captivating him every time, now preferred his shoulder or the floor or the wall behind him or literally anything else. His stance became stiffer, he flubbed jumps, apologized more, shrank from Victor’s touch, and it was all Victor could do not to take him by the shoulders and beg for answers. Because Victor was not an idiot, but neither was he a Sherlock Holmes. He couldn’t parse this out alone.

He’d asked Yuuri, again and again. Was it him, did he do something, was something on his mind, did he feel ill? Yuuri often got anxious over seemingly nothing, and Victor wanted to help, more than anything, but he needed direction.

One possibility came to mind, on a lonely night as Victor lied staring at the ceiling of his room – A room he had, on one happy occasion shortly before The Withdrawal began, convinced Yuuri to sleep with him in, innocently cuddled together on his bed. 

Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was them.

And oh, that hurt.

The thought that maybe Yuuri had wanted him, but didn’t anymore. Or worse. Maybe Yuuri had never wanted him, had mistook all his flirting for friendliness until finally the pieces fell into place, perhaps that night when Victor acted as his big spoon and chanced a small kiss to the back of his head when he thought the other man was asleep. And Yuuri now realized his mistake.

If Victor was thinking logically, he would have seen that was unlikely. Yuuri didn’t hug just anyone, didn’t smile that way for just anyone, didn’t brush fingers with just anyone as he walked through Hasetsu's streets window shopping, sending butterflies fluttering madly in just anyone’s chest. Yes, if he was being logical, that wouldn’t make sense, but quiet nights brought with them all the insecurities Victor successfully buried in public, and he’d exhausted every other logical explanation.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Pushing aside his duvet and briefly waking the sleeping dog beside him, Victor padded off down the hall until he reached the door at the end. He knocked perhaps a bit too loudly, given the hour, but when he heard the creak of footsteps and saw the faint glow of a desk lamp beneath the door, he could care less. 

Was this how Yuuri felt about everything? This kind of self-doubt and worry? God, it was torture.

The door opened and Victor was met with wide brown eyes he missed so much. Yuuri blinked. His hair was sticking in every direction. He’d been sleeping.

“Vic—“

“Is it me?” Victor asked for what must have been the third time that week, but never had he sounded so desperate.

“What?”

Victor stepped forward into the doorway. He wasn’t going to give Yuuri a chance to close the door on him. Not again. “Is it me? Was it sleeping together? Did I make you uncomfortable? Do you…” He swallowed, watched Yuuri’s stunned eyes travel over his face, and when he finished his question, it was soft, so soft, gently pleading. “… Do you not want me?”

Yuuri was silent for what may have been only a few seconds, but Victor could feel his own heart pounding and palms sweating as he stood waiting for his answer. It was the first time either of them had verbally acknowledged any desire felt between them. He needed to know it was reciprocated.

Yuuri’s gaze fell, about to go back to its newly preferred place on the floor, but Victor wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t let him escape again. With the gentlest of touches, he urged his chin back up, and whispered a “please” so soft it might have been just a breath.

Finally, Yuuri gave him an answer.

“I want you.”

It was a reassurance, but it sounded pained. Forced. Like wanting Victor was something terrible to admit. And it gave Victor no more closure than he’d had before.

“Then why… Yuuri, _talk_ to me, just talk to me…” Victor’s hands squeezed Yuuri’s arms. “I feel like I’m losing you before you’re even mine.”

The sigh Yuuri let out was resigned. Stepping out of Victor’s grasp, he reached behind him to close the door and went to sit on his bed. A space was left next to him in silent invitation, and Victor took it. With the knowledge that Yuuri at least wanted him, he felt bold enough to reach out and touch his hand again.

After a silence in which Victor waited patiently, Yuuri spoke.

“I want you,” he repeated, but his fist clenched under the hand that stroked his knuckles. “But Victor… You’re not going to want me.”

Victor sighed. He felt some of the tension leaving his shoulders, and his hand squeezed. If that was the issue, then the issue did not really exist. “I beg to differ.”

Yuuri also sighed, but his tension didn’t leave. He leaned forward, rubbing a tired eye with his free hand, his glasses going askew on his face. “I’m…” He tried to search for the words, bit his lip in thought. “… Victor, you’re gay.”

Victor blinked. That certainly hadn’t been the response he was expecting. Yuuri said it like it was some kind of hangup in their relationship, as if that was what was keeping them apart. “Yes.”

“You like… men. Only men.” Yuuri’s head was bowed. He was hiding again. Victor leaned a little closer, trying to meet his eyes.

“Yes.” He bumped Yuuri’s shoulder and tried a smile. “I was under the impression you were as well.”

“I am…”

“Well, then. You like men. I like men. I’m a man. You’re—“

“I’m not the kind of man most gay men want,” Yuuri cut him off. His voice was shaking in a way that caused a pang of sympathy in Victor’s heart.

“Well, most men are idiots, then.” Victor knew little about Yuuri’s past love life, but he’d love to have a chat with whoever made this boy feel like this. “Luckily, I’m no idiot.”

Yuuri shook his head. “It’s not that.” He wrapped his arms around himself, seemed to shrink. “A lot of men have… expectations when they’re with another man, and I-I don’t… fill those expectations.”

“You’ve more than surpassed any of mine, Yuuri.” And Victor smiled, because it was true. Katsuki Yuuri never failed to surprise him. “Hey… Look at me?”

He didn’t. “I don’t know how to tell you…”

“Words are useful, I’ve found.”

“Victor, I’m…” Yuuri swallowed thickly. His glasses slid down his nose a fraction from where he was hunched over himself. And then he whispered something so soft, Victor didn’t catch it.

“What’s that?”

“Said I… I’m… I don’t have the parts, Victor.”

Victor’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Parts?”

The conversation seemed to be exhausting Yuuri. Finally, he just said it, the thing he needed to get out: “... I’m trans.”

A moment ticked by.

“You’re…? Oh!” Finally, Victor recalled the word. “You’re… Oh.”

He sat mulling over the word and its implications, until he noticed Yuuri’s shoulders shaking. In a brief moment of panic, he swooped in to hold him. “No! No no no, Yuuri, don’t—“

“I’m sorry…” Yuuri sobbed, bowing in the middle where he sat.

“No—For what? None of that, come on…”

“I don’t need your pity, Victor…”

“Pit—Yuuri, please, don’t cry, I don’t know what to do when you cry. Listen to me.”

Yuuri’s sobs quieted just a bit, even as his face stayed hidden in his arms. He was listening. But now Victor needed to find his words.

“Yuuri… Well, I guess this explains why you wouldn’t go into the hot springs with me, but…” _No, bad way to begin. That’s not comfort, Victor._ He tried again. “It’s alright, Yuuri, honestly…”

“How is it alright?” Yuuri dismayed.

“Because nothing’s changed.” Victor rubbed his shoulder. “You’re still you. You’re still the man I fell for, hm? I may need a little time to… mentally adjust, but it’s not as big of an issue for me as you seem to think.”

Yuuri shook his head, but slowly began to sit back up. “I didn’t want to lie to you…”

“You never lied, Yuuri. You can’t lie to someone by living your truth.”

It was surprisingly insightful for Victor, and the words seemed to hit their mark. Hesitantly, Yuuri glanced up at him with wet eyes. Victor reached up a hand to wipe the tears off his face. He thought of all the men who must have hurt Yuuri for him to feel this afraid, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe away all the damage they had done.

“Now, I’m wondering…” Victor tapped his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Were you under the impression that I saw you, moved to Japan for you, coached you, held you in my arms at night and thought, ‘God, I’m so glad I have this penis in my life!’”

The joke startled a laugh from Yuuri, and Victor beamed.

“No…”

“Or perhaps, as I composed your Eros routine, I said to myself, ‘I can’t wait for this skating penis to seduce me out on the ice!’”

Yuuri barked out a laugh at the mental image that produced and had to cover his mouth. Now his shoulders were shaking for a different reason. Victor mentally patted himself on the back.

“Stop, Victor, that’s gross—“

“Or maybe!” Victor continued, because he had to, he needed to make Yuuri smile. “In China, after you skated so wonderfully for me, I thought, dear god, I need to kiss this penis right now in front of the whole world!”

“Victor!” Yuuri hissed, but he was doubled over, leaning into Victor and gasping for air. Victor let him catch his breath. His smile softened as Yuuri finally looked up at him, wiping new tears from his eyes. He cupped Yuuri’s face in his hands.

“Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

“You’re ridiculous…”

“I am, but not ridiculous enough to let go of the man I love for something so trivial.”

Yuuri’s cheeks reddened. His eyes lost a bit of their mirth, but it was replaced with something else, something just as nice: Hope. Because it was the first time either of them had properly used that word for their relationship, even if they both knew it was there.

Victor took one of Yuuri’s hands, brought it up to his lips to press a kiss to his knuckles. “I didn’t come to Japan for a penis.” He rolled his eyes. “Contrary to what Yakov will tell you.” Pressing Yuuri’s hand to his face, he tried to convey all he was feeling into their shared gaze, hoped his earnestness showed, despite all the jokes. “I came here because I fell for a man. And that man is right here, thinking silly thoughts about me not wanting him for silly reasons.”

Yuuri huffed out a breath, his head tilting a degree as he mulled that over. “… ‘S not such a silly reason for most guys.” He looked down at his free hand, which fiddled with a loose string on his shirt. “Some men… need those things… And I’m sure y-you’d prefer if I had…”

“My Yuuri,” Victor whispered, and leaned in conspiratorially. “That is what God made dildos for.”

Yuuri couldn’t fight his grin if he tried. With his face reddening, he decided to hide it in Victor’s chest. The Russian wrapped him tight in his arms and smiled into his hair.

Victor was no idiot. He knew these jokes and confessions would not rid Yuuri of all his insecurities, and he knew he had a lot to adjust to now himself. But what mattered most was that Yuuri was there in his arms, and he wanted him. The rest was just details, and they would have time to sort it all out.

***

It had been just a couple weeks since Yuuri’s confession - since their mutual confessions - and Victor was both elated and troubled.

He didn’t mind the idea of what Yuuri did or didn’t have, not really. Yuuri’s body was gorgeous, but an afterthought when it came to Victor’s love for him. However, the closer they became, the more nights they spent together in each other’s arms, the more kisses they shared (and there had been many in those two weeks, Victor was quite pleased to say), the more Victor realized… He had no idea what to do.

He’d never felt so virginal. Not even when he was an actual virgin. His first time with a man was, admittedly, nerve-wracking, and while there was a lot he had had to learn about how to satisfy a partner and be satisfied in return, he had gone into it knowing that at the very least, he knew how a cock worked.

What Yuuri had… He knew very little about it. He’d never experienced it, never researched it, because it wasn’t something he expected himself to encounter when he’d discovered his own inclinations. It wasn’t that those things disgusted him, not at all, just that on a woman he’d found himself more or less indifferent to it.

He was terrified. Yuuri was worried about expectations when it came to sex, but really, it was Victor who was worried most. Surely, Yuuri would have expected – deserved – a lover who could make him feel good. Someone who knew what they were doing.

His worry must have shown as he sat with Chris during their lunch. His friend had been visiting Japan, in a city some miles north of Hasetsu, and Victor had agreed to take a train up to meet with him and catch up a bit. But when the conversation died down, Victor couldn’t distract himself from his anxiety.

“That frown doesn’t suit you,” Chris said, chin in hand. “Especially for someone who just got together with the love of his life.”

“I’m worried,” was all Victor said.

“About what?”

Victor didn’t know how much to divulge. He needed help from his friend, but he didn’t want to invade Yuuri’s privacy by handing out details of his life that were no one else’s business. Conflicted, he buried his face in his hands. “Chris… There’s so much about him I don’t know what to… do with.”

“You mean his anxiety? Or that fact that he’s trans? Because the answer to both, _ami,_ is to ask him.”

Victor startled, blinking wide eyes at his friend. “… You know?”

“Victor, you’re forgetting he’s my friend as well.” Chris gave him an amused smile. “I may not have Phichit’s level of Yuuri Trivia knowledge, but he’s shared a few things with me. I told him you wouldn’t be angry about it.”

“I’m not.” Victor’s shoulders sagged. “But I’ve never…”

“My friend, you’re adorable.” The Swiss man chuckled. “You’re worrying over nothing. Isn’t that Yuuri’s job? Perhaps he’s rubbing off on you.” Leaning back in his seat, he decided to give Victor some real advice. “You need to talk to him, which might not be easy. From what I understand he has a lot of… insecurities about his body. Totally unjustified concerns, but valid nonetheless.”

Victor nodded, and said with a forlorn sort of longing, “He’s beautiful, Chris…”

“Indeed. But… As for the technical aspects.” Chris leaned in. He was wearing his signature smirk. “I have been with a very diverse list of men, Victor, and luckily for you I do have a few pointers to give.”

Victor eagerly leaned in, ready to take a list of mental notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are sex things in the next chapter gird ur loins


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we gooooooo

Victor was ready.

The research he had tried to do on his own had offered only a little help – Mostly leading him to either porn of women faking orgasms or fetish blogs that upset him greatly and left him indignant – but Chris had given him detailed descriptions of things that would help him.

He’d been with Yuuri for two months, and while they hadn’t yet openly discussed sex, Victor tried to make sure there was no doubt in Yuuri’s mind that he wanted him. He held him tight in his arms at night, kissed away what insecurities he could, until Yuuri wasn’t shying away from him like he once had.

They discussed Yuuri’s past, his feelings toward his body, and Victor tried to be a silent pillar of support as his boyfriend described it: How he had always acted a bit more boyish than most kids like him, how his parents had let him pick out his own clothes from a young age, and even, when their young child innocently said he liked the name “Yuuri” better than the one he had been called since birth, went along with it with little issue. He considered himself lucky in that regard. Most parents were not so understanding.

When Yuuri got older, his nickname became just his name, and he was sure to make sure everyone knew it. He wore what he liked, but as puberty hit it got harder for him. His parents had made the decision to try and find a doctor who would give their son the right hormones. But it was when he passed out on the rink during practice as a teenager, chest constricted by a binder he bought online, that they decided something needed to be done.

Some time after telling Victor all this, he mustered up his courage and showed him his scars. They sat on his bed, getting ready for sleep. His hands were trembling where they held up his shirt.

“They’re a little… unsightly—“

Victor wouldn’t hear any of it. He leaned in and kissed along the twin marks on Yuuri’s chest. “They’re beautiful.”

Yuuri scoffed. “I wouldn’t call them that…”

“No, you wouldn’t, would you? But I would.” He helped his boyfriend lift his shirt over his head, leaving little option for hiding. “They’re a reflection of you. How hard you work to reach your full potential, to be who you’re meant to be. Just like the scars you have from missed jumps you can now land.”

Yuuri looked down at his chest. Victor’s hand was pressed to his heart, feeling the steady thump. “… When did you get so good at this?”

Victor grinned. “We both improve.”

The shy smile offered to Victor left his heart racing to match Yuuri’s rhythm. It was soft and perfect, and he just had to kiss it. Gentle at first, chaste. But as Yuuri allowed him, he led it to something deeper, slower, wetter. Their lips met and parted with each rise and fall of their chests, their bodies rocked together imperceptibly in a push and pull, until the pull won out. Yuuri parted just enough to meet Victor’s eyes. His breath shivered out of his lungs. Swallowing his resolve, he moved back on the bed and lied down. And Victor followed.

He didn’t want to push. Truth be told, Victor would have been content to lie there kissing Yuuri all night, until sleep took them forcibly. But he also knew that sometimes, when Yuuri wanted something, he needed convincing that he deserved it enough to ask for it. He needed to be told it was okay to want, and that the wanting was mutual.

So Victor leveled the playing field. With a warm but playful smile, he broke the kiss to tug his own shirt off. (It wasn’t often he wore one to bed, but he’d made the effort to wear more clothes at night lately, for Yuuri’s sake.) And then he leaned back in, his fringe of hair falling over his face and brushing Yuuri’s forehead as he cupped his boyfriend’s face in his hand. His voice was like warm honey as he spoke, sweet with affection. 

“Hello, Beautiful.”

“Hey,” was all Yuuri seemed to be able to offer in reply. But he returned Victor’s grin before their lips met again.

Victor let the kissing drag on, let Yuuri take and give whatever he was willing. But when he felt his boyfriend getting more and more into it, lowering his inhibitions just enough, grabbing at Victor’s back and dragging blunt fingernails over his shoulder blades, he had to take a chance at getting more. His hand put gentle pressure on Yuuri’s hip, moved up his side, over the scars on his chest to a nipple, and he rolled it gently in his finger.

“Alright?” He nuzzled Yuuri’s nose.

Yuuri hesitated. “Um… Can’t, uh, feel much there, actually—“

“Oh!” Victor chuckled softly. He felt his cheeks heating up, embarrassed at the first show of his ignorance. “Sorry.”

Yuuri relaxed fractionally, seeming to take strength in Victor’s own vulnerability. “It’s alright. It’s, um. Not always the case, a-after this kind of surgery, but I…”

Victor moved in to kiss his cheek, his jaw, and let his breath ghost over Yuuri’s ear as he whispered, “Tell me where I should touch.”

Yuuri shivered bodily and tensed. But it was a good tension. “Um. Ah.” Victor’s tongue was dragging over the shell of his ear, and Yuuri seemed to be losing all ability to speak. “Fuck…”

Well, that was a fun reaction. It wasn’t terribly often Victor heard his boyfriend swear. He’d have to find a way of making him do it again…

Dipping just the tip of his tongue into Yuuri’s ear, he found, to his immense pleasure, Yuuri’s legs falling open to accommodate him as he lowered his body down over the other man’s. As he pressed his hips down, he felt Yuuri shaking beneath him.

Pressing a kiss to Yuuri’s ear, he pulled away to look at him, moved a strand of hair from Yuuri’s face with a gentle hand. “Alright?”

Yuuri nodded briskly. “Mm.”

“Do you want to stop?”

Swallowing, Yuuri shook his head. “N-No… I’m just…”

Instead of finishing his answer with words, he pulled Victor in for another kiss, and lost himself in it. Victor understood. His thoughts were going to run rampant again, and he needed Victor to distract him from it. Keep up the momentum, ground him. Victor would fend off the doubt for him.

By the time Yuuri was panting into their kiss, with his hands wandering over Victor again, body unconsciously mimicking the wave-like motions of love-making, Victor was losing himself as well. He was hard and wanting and he allowed himself to indulge just enough to thrust forward against the heat between Yuuri’s legs. Yuuri’s jaw trembled as it dropped to let in a gasp. Victor took it as encouragement, moving to kiss Yuuri’s neck as he thrust again, and again. The bed below them creaked with the motion, but neither of them cared.

Yuuri was clinging to him, riding on the waves of pleasure the friction caused. His sleep pants were thin, and Victor wanted him to feel every inch of what he had to offer. He wanted him to feel good. He wanted him to forget whatever any other man told him about his body lacking anything.

“Victor,” Yuuri gasped, and his hips began to thrust back, growing more forceful.

“Tell me where to touch, baby,” Victor panted. “I want to touch you…”

The words alone were having an effect on Yuuri. In an act of braveness, he took Victor’s hand and led it back, under the waistband of his sleep pants and over his ass. Victor gave it a squeeze, kneading the flesh eagerly as he left marks on Yuuri’s neck.

“Victor, Victor…” Yuuri chanted his name like a prayer, and Victor could have sworn he’d never heard anything more beautiful in his life. His boyfriend was getting close, and he desperately wanted to bring him over the edge.

But before he could even suggest touching elsewhere, Yuuri was already there, clinging to his boyfriend for dear life, head thrown back against the pillow, babbling Japanese words Victor didn’t know but could parse out the meaning of easily enough. He watched Yuuri’s jaw drop and as the tension built and released, felt his nails digging into his back. It was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen, and he couldn’t look away for anything.

Yuuri was trembling as he came down, panting and squeezing his eyes shut, his cheeks a ruddy red. Victor peppered his face with kisses, but paused to ask in an awed whisper, “Did you come?”

To that, Yuuri breathed out a small laugh. He looked like he was searching for some words, perhaps a quip along the lines of _duh,_ but instead he just nodded and covered his red face with an arm.

Victor sucked a kiss onto his neck. “… Can you do it again?”

Yuuri lifted his arm to look at him. “W-What about you?” 

The Russian chuckled. “I can wait. You can do it again though, right? It’s not like—You don’t have to wait like me after…?” He felt a blush creep onto his face and chewed on his lip. God, he sounded so stupid. This should have been basic knowledge, surely.

“I-I mean… Yeah…”

Victor rubbed his interest against the space between Yuuri’s legs, where he’d practically soaked through from his arousal. “Did you want to?” he asked hopefully. “I-I want to learn how to touch you.”

Yuuri stared up at him for so long, Victor began to think he’d gone too far. But just as he was about to ask if they should stop, he was pulled into a very sudden and very fierce kiss.

The man beneath him was trying to focus hard on the kiss, it was clear. It was all tongue and hot breath and nipping teeth. Victor let a hand roam, firm yet teasing, up and down his lover’s thigh, until it landed on Yuuri’s hip. And slowly, it moved more inward. The kiss was so demanding Victor could only manage a questioning whisper of Yuuri's name, asking for consent. Yuuri’s reply came with an upward thrust of his hips. Testing the waters, Victor pressed his thumb inwards, between Yuuri’s folds and over a damp spot in his pants. The man groaned, shaking below Victor as his legs fell open wider.

And god, wasn’t that a sight. How could anyone not want a man like this? Yuuri was perfect, gorgeous in his wantonness, once he’d tapped into his sexuality. What Victor was now rubbing his palm against may not be what he was used to, but it didn’t matter if it was a cock or not. The beauty was in Yuuri’s reactions, in his breathy moans and clenching hands and feet that pushed at the bedsheets as he sought more friction. He was wet, so wet, and the implication of that had Victor so unbelievably turned on. He knew he’d feel just the same if it had been an erection in Yuuri’s pants.

Yuuri Katsuki was a thing of beauty, head to toe. From his thick, soft hair to his toned, masculine arms. From his chest scars to his well-earned abs. From the wetness between his legs and his muscular thighs. But it didn’t matter so much how his body looked or responded to arousal, all Victor wanted was to make him feel good, make him feel loved and beautiful. Because he deserved it.

With his fingers hooking over the waistband of his lover’s pants, Victor breathed against his lips, “Can I…?”

Yuuri was breathless, his eyes squeezed shut. He bit his lip a moment in hesitance. “… T-Turn the light off?”

Victor thought it a shame, but didn’t question it. He reached over and flicked the bedside lamp off, shrouding them in darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he stroked Yuuri’s cheek and willed him to open his eyes. When he did, he was met with Victor’s gentle smile.

“Alright?”

Yuuri nodded. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be.” He pressed a kiss to his nose. “I want you comfortable.”

“I… I want you comfortable too…”

Victor rubbed their noses together gently. “Why would I not be, sweetheart?”

Yuuri swallowed, took in a steadying breath and let it out slowly. And then he replied simply, “I-It’s gross.”

Victor wanted to scoff, because honestly, that was ridiculous. But he knew that would be taken the wrong way, as a dismissal of Yuuri’s feelings, so he refrained. “It’s not.”

“It is.” Yuuri hid his face in his arm again, and Victor let him. He’d allow him to hide a bit this once, because he needed it in order to open up. Yuuri needed to take baby steps when it came to being vulnerable around Victor, and Victor needed to be patient. “It’s all… odd-shaped and… wet and gross a-and… and not right.”

That broke Victor’s heart. Pouting sympathetically, he ran a hand through Yuuri’s hair. “You know I think you’re beautiful.”

“It’s off-putting,” Yuuri muttered.

“Yuuri.” Victor sat up, his hands on his partner’s sides, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs. “Do I look put off to you?”

Slowly, the younger man lifted his arm from over his eyes, and let his gaze wander over Victor’s body in the dim moonlight. It didn’t escape Victor’s notice when his eyes lingered on the erection tenting his pants.

Just to make sure there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt, Victor leaned down to kiss his lover’s chest. “I love you,” he muttered against his skin. “All of you. Let me show you?” And his fingers played once more with Yuuri’s waistband.

The hesitance was still there, but then Yuuri took in a big lungful of air and swallowed his pride. Hooking his own thumbs under his waistband, he tugged his pants off himself. His legs clumsily knocked into Victor as he discarded his clothes, and his knees stayed bent, hiding him, until Victor leaned back down over him and pushed him back against the sheets with nothing but a heated gaze. Then lips met again.

“I may need a little… instruction,” Victor admitted shyly, his hand lingering on the other man’s hip. Yuuri seemed too meek to say anything explicit, so his hand traveled down to Victor’s. His touch was light, hesitant. Victor kissed him, hoping to give him enough of a distraction to continue. Finally, he moved Victor’s hand down and inward.

It did feel different, but not terribly far off from what Victor expected. Yuuri was incredibly wet down there, even before Victor’s finger slid into his folds. He was slick and smooth and soft, but it was in no way “gross,” as he’d described it. Victor felt around, looking for something he was supposed to be touching, but was silently grateful when Yuuri pressed a finger against the back of his, showing him where to rub and how to do it. Victor made small circles, slow and steady, and heard the breath stutter in his partner’s lungs.

“Alright?” he asked between breathy kisses, and Yuuri nodded.

“Y-You can be harder,” he whispered. Victor hummed, pleased to be given direction, and did as he was asked.

With his clothes off, being touched directly, Yuuri seemed a bit more reserved than he had been before. He was more vulnerable like this, with only the dark to cover him. Victor decided to distract him once more, dragging his lips along Yuuri’s jaw and whispering Russian terms of endearment into his ear. Yuuri let out a single, soft moan, and Victor smirked.

 _“How many times do you think I could make you come tonight, my sunshine?”_ he asked in his native tongue. Yuuri could not understand a word, but the words were having their desired effect. Victor let his voice get breathy and low, laid his accent on thick, rolling his R’s a little more than he usually would. _“What is your record? When you lied in this bed and touched yourself at night? I want to surpass it. I want you to come again and again for hours. I know you have the stamina.”_

Yuuri was trembling. Little noises left his lips unbidden every time Victor’s finger pressed into the very tip of (what he assumed was) his clitoris. So Victor focused his efforts right there, rubbing in a tiny circle, and felt all of Yuuri’s muscles tense as he shook and clung to him. When he dragged the tip of his tongue over Yuuri’s ear, Yuuri sounded as if he was physically choking on his moans.

Finally, Victor widened the circle his finger made, moved down until he found what he was looking for. Pressing just outside his hole, Victor switched back to English and asked permission. To which Yuuri nodded vigorously.

Victor silently marveled at how easily his finger slid into Yuuri. He was incredibly wet, took the finger in as if it was nothing and clenched around it. Victor watched his face in silent reverence – eyes closed, jaw hung open, cheeks flushed – as he moved in and out. Remembering something Chris had said, he reached a bit farther in and pressed up—

“Oh…!” Yuuri gasped, canted his hips up. “Ahm…!” It wasn’t a word, but Victor understood well enough. He moved his finger a bit faster, pressing into that spot again and again. The idea occurred to him to bend his finger in such a way that his palm dragged over Yuuri’s clit while he pressed into that sweet spot inside him, and he couldn’t help a little triumphant smirk when Yuuri seemed to love it.

He could feel Yuuri coming. Both inside and in the tension that built in his limbs, in the arch of his back. He bit his lip and moved his hand faster, despite the fatigue he was beginning to feel in his wrist, pushing his love further and further until finally hands were scrambling for purchase over his back and shoulders and Yuuri was crying out something Victor could only assume was in Japanese. He felt Yuuri’s muscles clenching around his finger and fluttering, and the entire thing was amazing. Pulling away only slightly, Victor looked down at Yuuri with another awed expression.

“Wow.”

Yuuri swallowed. “Fuck…”

“Again?”

At that, he couldn’t help but laugh. “N-Not enough for you, Vitya?”

Victor’s heart swelled at the pet name. “I don’t know if I can get enough of seeing you like this.”

Glancing down, Yuuri licked his lips thoughtfully. “A-And what about you…?” His fingers tugged on Victor’s pants pointedly. Victor gave him a sly smirk, sitting up on his knees.

“Ah, I see what you want now.” He snapped his own waistband. “I know, it was selfish of me to keep such a view from you, but I was a little preoccupied with this gorgeous man in front of me, you understand.”

Yuuri chuckled, and two orgasms seemed to lower his inhibitions enough for him to play along. “Are you going to keep me waiting, then?”

With purposely slow movements, Victor lowered his sleep pants, swaying his hips and giving Yuuri a show. It left Yuuri giggling.

“Where is your underwear?”

“My what?” Victor pouted, moving to kick his pants off and fling them off the bed. “Never heard of such a thing.”

“Oh my god.” But then Yuuri’s laughter died down as he took in the sight of Victor naked above him. Victor silently preened. His boyfriend had seen him naked plenty of times – Had been introduced to him naked in the hot springs – but he knew it was different when he was in a state of arousal.

Leaning on his hands, Victor moved in for a kiss. “Like what you see?” It was meant jokingly, but the answer Yuuri gave was incredibly earnest.

“Yes…”

Victor’s nose nuzzled Yuuri’s ear. “Did you want to come one more time before we tend to me? I don’t mi—“

But before he could finish, he was being flipped over onto his back. He only had a half second to gape up at Yuuri – who climbed onto him, straddling his hips – before he was being kissed. His hips moved in a sinful circle over Victor’s, and his lips swallowed the ensuing gasp.

“I, um…” He bit his lip when he pulled away, letting his hands wander over Victor’s chest. Even in the dim light, his ears were clearly red. The Russian below him blinked up owlishly. “I bought… um… condoms, if you…”

Victor’s hands moved soothingly over his hips. “Did you want to…?”

Yuuri bit his lip a moment. “… Can we?”

The man below Yuuri tried not to look too eager. “Absolutely.” Yuuri immediately leaned over to dig around in his bedside drawer. “Do you have any lube as well? Might need a bit extra.”

“O-Oh, um, yeah, somewhere…” Yuuri’s hands shook as he rummaged around, until finally he found what he needed.

They kissed as they had before, hungrily – if not a bit distracted – and Victor managed to slip a condom on before pressing two well-lubed fingers up against Yuuri. This part of the preparation was a little more familiar for him, and it wasn’t too long before Yuuri was riding his fingers, chasing a pleasure Victor had been giving him all night. Until finally, he reached down and still Victor’s hand.

“I-I think I’m ready…”

“Alright.” Victor’s hands squeezed his lover’s hips. “Take your time, _solnyshko._ No rush.”

The sight of Yuuri, with his brow furrowed in concentration, bottom lip held between his teeth as he slowly rocked his hips down over the head of Victor’s cock was one of the most captivating things the Russian had seen all night. He murmured soft encouragements, stroked up and down Yuuri’s sides, as the other man breathed slowly, willed his muscles to relax, and adjusted to Victor’s girth and sank down onto him. It felt different than it had with other men, but just as good for Victor. He panted softly, shifting his hips below Yuuri. “Alright?”

“God, you’re big…” Yuuri leaned his head back, and began to move.

“Sorry—“

“’S good...” He bit his lip against a groan. “Fuck, it’s good…”

Victor was at a loss for words. Yuuri rode him beautifully, taking what he wanted, being more vocal than he had been all night. Had they not been so distracted, they may have worried about their volume, or the creak of the mattress, but neither of them could have cared in that moment.

“Talk to me,” Yuuri begged, leaning on his hands over Victor and rocked his whole body back and forth over him. Victor knew exactly what he meant, and began babbling sweet nothings in Russian, leaning up to whisper it all into Yuuri’s ear and reaching a hand down to grab at his ass. Yuuri was a mess.

The third time he came was the most powerful orgasm Victor had seen him have yet, even despite the fatigue he must have been feeling. His mouth hung open in a silent scream that became an audible groan pulled from somewhere deep within him. His hips slammed down again and again, riding through it, and his muscles fluttered and clenched around Victor’s cock. It was only seconds before Victor was following him over the proverbial edge.

His stamina was finally drained. With no energy left, he collapsed into Victor, heaving greedy lungfuls of air. Both their bodies were covered in sweat, hot and sated. When Victor’s cock softened enough to slip out of his partner, he reached down to awkwardly tug off his condom, tying it and dropping it into the small garbage bin by Yuuri’s bed. And then there was nothing to do but hold each other and kiss.

Yuuri blinked, trying to focus his eyes on the face in front of him when they parted. “Jesus, Victor…”

Victor’s grin practically stretched from ear to ear. “Yeah?”

“Three times…”

“Is that a record for you?”

With a little laugh, Yuuri reluctantly shook his head. “I, um… did five once. But that was the best, by far.”

“Five.” Victor hummed, pursing his lips. “I think I can beat that.”

“Not tonight, you’re not. I’m exhausted.”

He huffed. With Yuuri’s head on his shoulder, he wrapped him in his arms. “Raincheck, then?”

“Mm…”

A comfortable silence passed between them, one in which either of them may have fallen asleep. But in the dark, Victor whispered,

“Yuuri?”

“Mhm.”

“Never doubt that I love you. Alright?”

Pulling away just a bit, Yuuri looked up at his boyfriend and gave him a small smile.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why but it's keeping the end note from the previous chapter here about girding ur loins.
> 
> anyway thanks for reading my gay sex writing have a nice day

**Author's Note:**

> there's sex things in the next chapter gird ur loins


End file.
